Suggested Readings

How to Improve Your Marriage without Talking About It
Patricia Love and Steve Stosny. Publisher: Broadway, 2008
There has been much said about the differences between men and women when it comes to talking things out - this book delves deeply into the matter. An easy book for men to be able to identify with. Includes many true stories of couples in trouble and how they deal with it.

5 Love Languages
Gary Chapman. Publisher: Northfield, 1995
Dr. Chapman. has identified five love languages: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time; Receiving Gifts; Acts of Service; and Physical Touch. Each is illustrated through real-life examples. Notably, this series includes special editions directed at men, teens, children and Hispanic speakers.

Divorce Busting
Michele Weiner-Davis. Publisher: Simon & Schuster, 1993
Weiner-Davis focuses on helping us understand that trying to change your spouse into the perfect mate is a futile endeavor. Her focus is on identifying what’s possible and looking to yourself to achieve positive change, through the principles of short-term therapy.

The Divorce Remedy
Michele Weiner-Davis. Publisher: Simon & Schuster, 2002
In this follow up to her best-seller, Divorce Busting, Weiner-Davis serves up a seven-step program for revitalizing the troubled marriage, with a special emphasis what to do after your spouse has asked for a divorce, or has even moved out. The topics include: how to identify marriage-saving goals; how to move beyond ineffective, hurtful ways of interacting; how to look for positive signs of change and how to stay calm, and optimistic.

Why Marriages Succeed or Fail
John Gottman. Publisher: Simon & Schuster, 1995
Dr. Gottman takes a scientist’s approach to the topic – he actually studies couple interactions in his “love lab,” and gives us insights, often surprising ones, into couples that have managed to stay together. He has identified characteristics of healthy marriages as well as of those in trouble.

7 Principles of Making Marriage Work
John Gottman. Publisher: Orion, 2004
A companion to Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, Gottman includes more self-tests, checklists and exercises to help couples establish a framework for coping with their differences.

The Good Marriage: How and Why Love Lasts
Judith Wallerstein & Sandra Blakeslee. Publisher: Grand Central 1996
Reports on their detailed and explicit interviews with 50 couples from “successful” marriages, underscoring that such relationships often take very different outward appearances. However, the patterns of success show through, in the writer’s identification of a series of psychological tasks that every partner confronted in some manner or another.

The Mastery of Love
Don Miguel Ruiz. Publisher: Amber-Allen, 2002
A unique perspective. Ruiz was raised in rural Mexico by a curandera (healer) mother and nagual (shaman) grandfather. His mission is to carry forward the wisdom of his Toltec heritage, in this case as it applies to love. He uses parables to bring his teachings to life including the power of self-love and the notion that sometimes we are guilty of self-abuse, inflicting “emotional poison” on ourselves.

Getting the Love You Want: a guide for couples
Harville Hendrix. Publisher: Holt, Updated 2007
Hendrix is a couple's counselor who lived through the pain of his own failed marriage, which spurred his personal research into what he describes as the "practice of becoming passionate friends." Along the way, he created a therapy he named Imago Relationship Therapy. His goal is to help us get beyond the “Inconscious Marriage" and grow into the "Conscious Marriage".
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Extraordinary Relationships
Roberta Gilbert. Publisher: Wiley, 1992
Gilbert bases her material on the Bowen Family Systems Theory, developed by respected family therapy pioneer, Murray Bowen. This is an excellent treatise on the subject of relationships, tending toward the technical side. The author is a proponent of understanding family dynamics to understand how people’s actions in relationships might echo their family system.

Getting to Yes
Roger Fisher, Bruce Patton and William Ury. Publisher: Houghton Mifflin, 1992
Fisher offers his five-step system for negotiation. The work leans heavily on the Harvard Negotiation Project research, and concentrates on how to separate problems from personal agendas, along with other valuable ideas. The notion of being “hard on the problems and easy on the people” is particularly useful, as is his BATNA acronym, Best Alternatives to a Negotiated Agreement.

Getting Past No
William Ury. Publisher: Bantam, 1993
Many consider this book to be the definitive tome on the art of negotiation. The idea of using Ury’s “joint problem solving approach” techniques to turn adversaries into negotiating partners has application to family relationships. Ury explains that the challenge is to convert a confrontational situation to a cooperative creative problem solving process. The author directs the Global Negotiation Project at Harvard University.

The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families
Stephen R. Covey. Publisher: Simon & Schuster, 1999
Despite his commercial success, and reputation for “guru-ness,” Covey continues to deliver simple, workable, wellthought- out concepts, this one for effective family communication. While the work is a re-interpretation of his famous “7 Habits” directed at the work environment, this is more than a re-packaging – parents can find relate to the stories and tips that emerge from the eyes of Covey’s own nine children.

Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life
Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD. Publisher: Puddledancer Press. 2003
An important work focusing on using communication (talk) to achieve peace and partnership. Rosenberg urges us to listen empathically and communicate using authentic feelings and needs. The latest edition of the book introduces us to the concept of “self-compassion,” pointing out that if we are internally violent toward ourselves, it is difficult to be passionate toward others.

People Skills
Robert Bolton. Publisher: Touchstone, 1986
This work is simply a classic on the subject of interpersonal communication, with emphasis on listening skills, assertion techniques, conflict resolution and collaborative problem solving. Fairly heavy reading.

Handbook for Communication and Problem-Solving Skills Training
Jeffrey R. Bedell and Shelley S. Lennox. Publisher: Wiley, 1997
The sub-title of this work, “A Cognitive-Behavioral Approach” hints at its textbook nature – it is in fact just that, published under the banner of the Einstein-Montefiore Medical Center Department of Psychiatry. As such, the work is heavily research driven, but nonetheless valuable for the lay person. At $150 however, you may want to look for it first in the library.

The Four Agreements
Don Miguel Ruiz
Shamanic teacher and healer, Ruiz’ passion is to pass on the wisdom of his Toltec heritage. His four agreements are simple: Be impeccable with your word. Don't take anything personally. Don't make assumptions. Always do your best. The magic lies in the how and why of these principles that Ruiz masterfully brings to life.

How to Communicate in Sobriety
Luther and Eileen Lord, Publisher: Hazelden, 1978
Unfortunately, alcohol and substance abuse plays a role in all-too-many family situations. Paradoxically, sobriety itself opens up new family issues, relating to the “personality change” that the recovering person undergoes. I love this little, older book which treats the serious subject with a dose of humor, through the use of cartoon character Assertive, and his sidekicks Hostile and Passive.

How to Win Friends & Influence People
Dale Carnegie. Publisher: Vermilion, 2007
The tendency might be to dismiss this book as outdated, because it was first published in 1937, but to do so would be a mistake. Carnagie’s nine rules for effective leadership are tantamount to communications commandments.
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The Anger Workbook
Lorrannie Bilodeau. Publisher: Hazelden, 1994
Good reading for anyone who needs to understand and learn more about anger management. Combines scientific research with questions and exercises to help you define the sources of your anger. Explains how to look at your attitudes about anger, and the power that you have to use anger as a positive force for change and growth.

The Choosing to Forgive Workbook
Lee Carter, PhD and Frank Minirth, M.D. Publisher: Thomas Nelson, 1997
A 12-part plan to help you overcome your struggle to forgive and find lasting healing in your life - with great tips that allow you to examine and accept feelings of anger or disappointment.

The Dance of Anger
Harriet Lerner, Publisher: Harper & Row NY, 2005
Ms. Lerner begins with the message that "Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to." Her book is about how to resolve the common arguments that occur in relationships. She dives right into it from the platform that a woman’s anger can be a normal reaction to a culture where interpersonal threats and conflicts all-to-often get “resolved” by being overpowered by the man's anger.

Letting Go of Anger
Ronald and Patricia Potter-Efron. Publisher: New Harbinger, 2006
The Potter-Efrons are a professional therapy team whose work has identified the tools to address what to do about what they term: “The Eleven Most Common Anger Styles.” The work discusses how to let go of our anger rather than just vent it, and to channel our anger to effect positive change.

Of Course You're Angry
Gayle Rosellini and Mark Worden Publisher: Hazelden, 1997
It’s been around for a while, but this guide to “Dealing with the Emotions of Substance Abuse” is a valuable work in helping us understand a very special kind of anger – that associated with the recovering alcoholic or addict.

Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion
Carol Tavris. Publisher: Simon & Schuster, 1989
Dr. Tavris bases her positions on serious research. She points out that anger can be a self-reinforcing mechanism with unhealthy outcomes. Her models and techniques help us understand what "sets us off." The recent edition includes discussion on road rage, sports violence and the anger of young women.

Anger Workout Book
Hendrie Weisinger. Publisher: Harper, 1985
Dr. Weisinger is the originator of “criticism training.” This textbook-style resource is often used by professionals to develop custom programs for their anger challenged clients. Practical, helpful and still relevant.
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Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love & Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships.
David Schnarch. Publisher: Holt, 1998
Schnarch combines elements of marriage therapy and sex therapy to combat what he refers to as the fact that "People have difficulty with intimacy because they're supposed to." He approaches the topic from the vantage point of using couple’s conflicts as the means of creating relationship growth.

The Dance of Intimacy
Harriet Lerner. Publisher: Harper, 1990
Lerner, author of The Dance of Anger, gives us a look at examples of real-life relationships that are challenged, and teaches the principles of better partner communication - essentially written from the woman’s perspective. Solid work on the subjects of triangles, and setting boundaries.
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Anatomy of Love - A Natural History of Mating, Marriage, and Why We Stray
Helen E. Fisher. Publisher: Ballantine, 1994

After the Affair: Healing the Pain and Rebuilding Trust When a Partner Has Been Unfaithful
Janis Abrahms Spring and Michael Spring. Publisher: Harper, 1997

How to Save Your Marriage from an Affair: Seven Steps to Rebuilding A Broken Trust
Ron Edell. Publisher: Zebra, 1995

How can I Forgive You - The Courage to Forgive, the Freedom Not To
Janis Abrahms Spring. Publisher: Harper, 2005
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Breaking the Patterns of Depression
Michael Yapko. Publisher: Main Street Books, 1998

Hand-Me-Down Blues: How to stop depression from spreading in families
Michael Yapko. Publisher: Golden Guides, St. Martin's Press, 2000

Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy
David D. Burns. Publisher: Harper, 1999

The Anxiety & Phobia Workbook
Edmund J. Bourne. Publisher: New Harbinger, 2005

Mind Over Mood - Change how you feel by changing the way you think
Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky. Publisher: Guilford Press, 1995

Questions Most Asked About Anxiety & Phobias
Jane Miller. Publisher: Pretext Press, 1996

Worry-Free Living
Frank Minirth, Pul Meier, Don Hawkins. Publisher: Thomas Nelson, 1991
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The Relaxation & Stress Reduction Workbook
Martha Davis, Elizabeth Eshelman, Matthew McKay. Publisher: New Harbinger, 2008

Stress Management Workbook
Tom Whiteman, Samuel Verghese, Randy Petersen, Publisher: Zondervan, 1996
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Growing Through Divorce
Jim Smoke. Publisher: Harvest House, 2007

Reinventing Your Life
Jeffrey Young and Janet Klosko. Publisher: Plume, 1994

Why Did You Have to Get a Divorce? And When Can I Get a Hamster?
Anthony Wolf. Publisher: Farrar, Straus and Giroux, 1998)

My Parents are Divorced, Too - A Book for Kids by Kids
Melanie, Annie, Steven and Jann Blackstone Ford. Publisher: Magination, April 2006

Divorce is Not the End of the World
Zoe, Evan and Ellen Sue Stern. Publisher: Tricycle Press, 2008
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Taking Charge of ADHD: The complete authoritative guide for parents
Russell A. Barkley. Publisher: The Guilford Press, 2000

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Russell A. Barkley. Publisher: The Guilford Press, 2005

Putting on the Brakes: young people’s guide to understanding ADHD
Patricia Quinn & Judith Stern. Publisher: Magination Press, 2001

The Survival Guide for Kids with ADD or ADHD
John F. Taylor. Publisher: Free Spirit, 2006

ADHD in Adolescents - Diagnosis and Treatment
Arthur L. Robin. Publisher: The Guilford Press, 1999

Family Therapy for ADHD
Everett & Everett. Publisher: The Guilford Press, 2001

Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults
Lynn Weiss. Publisher: Taylor Trade Publishing, 2005

The Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults Workbook
Lynn Weiss. Publisher: Taylor Trade Publishing, 2005

Driven to Distraction
Edward Hallowell and John Ratey. Publisher: Touchstone, 1995

A.D.D Success Stories
Thom Hartmann and John Ratey. Publisher: Underwood Books, 1995

Attention Deficit Disorder: A Different Perception
Thom Hartmann. Publisher: Underwood Books, 1997

A.D.D. & Romance
Jonathan Scott Halverstadt. Publisher: Taylor Trade Publishing, 1998

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?
Peggy Ramundo & Kate Kelly. Publisher: Scribner, 2006

A.D.D. in the Workplace
Kathleen Nadeau. Publisher: Taylor & Francis Group, 1997
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Parenting a Strong-Willed Child
Rex Forehand, Nicholas Long. Publisher: McGraw-Hill, 2002

Everything Parent’s Guide to the Strong-Willed Child
Carl E. Pickhardt. Publisher: Adams Media, 2005

Parenting the Defiant Child
Russell Barkley, Christine Benton. Publisher: The Guilford Press, 1998

The Explosive Child
Ross Greene. Publisher: Harper, 2005

The Difficult Child
Stanley Tureck, Leslie Tonner. Publisher: Bantam, 2000

The Challenging Child
Stanley Greenspan with Jacqueline Salmon. Publisher: Da Capo, 1996
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Stick Up for Yourself - Every kid’s guide to personal power and positive self-esteem.
Gershen Kaufman, Lev Raphael, Pamela Espeland. Publisher: Free Spirit, 1999
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7 Steps to Help Your Child Worry Less
Sam Goldstein, Robert Brooks, Kristy Hagar. Publisher: Specialty Press, 2003

What To Do When You’re Scared & Worried – a guide for kids
James J. Crist. Publisher: Free Spirit, 2004
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On Death and Dying
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Publisher, 1997

On Life After Death
Elisabeth Hubler-Ross, Caroline Myss. Publisher: Celestial Arts, 2008

Ambiguous Loss: Learning to Live With Unresolved Grief
Pauline Boss. Publisher: Harvard University Press, 2000

Tear Soup
Pat Schweibert, Chuck DeKlyen, Taylor Bills. Publisher: Grief Watch, 2005

Living When a Loved One Has Died
Earl A. Grollman. Publisher: Beacon Press, 1995
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